Why do I like torturing my characters so much?
That’s a question I get asked a lot. And to be honest, I ask myself the same thing.
In writing the sequel, I have spent a lot of time re-reading the series. I have been focusing on books 20-30 because I am writing about the kids as adults. I am trying to focus on who they were and who they have become.
My main study has been Desi, Bryan and Jimmy. Mainly because they are the ‘newcomers’ to the family. It’s been really interesting, to say the least, to go back and see their introductions.
Especially Desi.
I was looking back at the posts I have written and there was one about Desi in June of 2017. I ‘interviewed’ her and it was about a year after her rape. Looking back now, so much has changed for her and David and of course Ian and Cassie.
Cassie.
I knew there would be a character missing from the sequel. At first. Some of you may have wondered if everyone was going to make it or not. When I first began sending the chapters to beta readers, I kept getting the “Where is Tommy!!!” questions. It was the longest I had ever gone in a book without hearing from him. It was hard to write without him.
But seriously, did you think I would kill him off in the abyss? Without a proper send off? 🙂
Many thought from the way the book began, that Desi had died. David was so depressed and alone and the way he talked about not being able to lose another person he loved made it a pretty obvious guess.
I purposely had Desi show up at the hospital the way I did to add to the shock value. She wasn’t dead, but David hated her.
Well, he didn’t hate her, but his heart was broken.
David has never handled any kind of hurt well. He is a lot like his mother in the sense that she puts up a block and you have to chisel your way back in.
I also had information come out in different ways. We learned Cassie died from a conversation between Sabrina and Bryan. That made David and Desi’s breakup so much harder.
How could he not be with her when she lost so much?
My decision to have Cassie still alive wasn’t something I planned right away. I never outline an entire book from the beginning. I’m what they call a ‘pantser’ and I write by the seat of my pants. That’s not to say I have no direction, but if something seems to fit, or a character arc comes to me as I write, I go with it. That’s what happened with Cassie.
My mind began racing when Cassie’s plot took shape. Having Tommy kidnapped was a way to bring all of the characters together at the beginning. I mean, Tessa’s injuries were the impetus, but Tommy allowed me to reintroduce where everyone was and why they all came together.
I decided to have Tommy find Cassie as a way to explain more of what happened to them. He had a bond with Cassie from helping Desi and Cassie was able to give Tommy more of a reason to fight.
The sadistic plotter in me wondered what would happen if the moment Cassie came home Ian died.
Okay, I wouldn’t do that, but having Ian try to end his life was an important moment for me to share. People handle grief in all different ways, and although Ian may have not been the one I physically tortured the most, he definitely got the emotional brunt of the pain.
I adore Ian. He is so much like me in his love for animals and his need to make things okay for everyone. He is a supportive Military spouse who has been a single father much of his adult life. He is incredibly proud of his wife and of her service, but it’s been a struggle. Desi living with cancer most of her life adds a level of stress and protectiveness to Ian that makes him especially vulnerable.
One of the worst parts about writing Desi’s assault was having to write Ian’s reaction. I can’t imagine what it must be like as a father to know your daughter was hurt in such a way. To know you were unable to shield her from the horrors of this world. To not be able to chase away the bad guys.
Ian has had so much to deal with and in my mind, losing Cassie was something he couldn’t overcome. At least not without some sort of intervention. Watching his daughter get so sick again and knowing part of it was because he couldn’t get his grief under control sent him over the edge.
Ian tried to kill himself not because he wanted to die, but because it hurt too much to live.
I lost readers when I wrote Desi’s rape. I have no doubt I may have lost more when I had Ian take those pills.
People aren’t perfect and when they cry out for help, we have to try and listen. We need to hear past our own anger and fear. We need to hold them close and get them whatever help they need.
The aftermath of Ian’s attempt will be long lasting. Not only for him, but for all of those who love him. His own guilt will be suffocating for him and he will need his family to help him.
Cassie is alive, but there is so much still to come. So many unknowns about what happened to her and what the effects may be.
Here is a little sneak peek at the conversation Ian and Cassie will have about what happened.
“You’re doing amazing,” Ian said after Cassie walked down the hall and back to her room.
“I just want to go home,” she said as she sat on the chair in her room. “I want to get back to living.”
He handed her a blanket and sat down facing her.
“We need to talk to the physical therapist and the occupational therapist and go from there.”
“I know. I also know I can take care of myself, so the rest can be done at home. I miss our house and our bed. I miss the farm. I miss Gertie.”
He smiled.
“She still hates me.”
“She doesn’t like men. Don’t take it personally.”
He smiled and then there was an uncomfortable silence.
“Cass, we need to talk,” he said as he looked at his hands.
She nodded.
“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
He looked at her and she shrugged.
“You’ve been a little distant and Desi is holding something back when she talks about you. I get it. I mean you thought I was dead and you are such an amazing man, Ian. I understand. It’s okay.”
“There is nobody else,” he said, his tears forming. “There could never be anyone else.”
She wiped her own tears and exhaled.
“I’m so glad,” she smiled a little. “So what is it? What are so afraid to tell me?”
“The night we found out you were alive; I was in the hospital.”
“With Desi, right? I know.”
“No, she was with me.”
“Oh God,” Cassie looked at him. “Are you sick? Did something happen?”
He shook his head.
“I took a bunch of pills. Bill found me and brought me here and saved my life.”
She was quiet and he stood up, pacing.
“I was so lost and I didn’t know how to move forward. I let Desi down and I let you down and everywhere I turned there was emptiness. I looked into selling the farm and I was sitting in the spare bedroom looking at your gun and your things and I just wanted to be with you. I just wanted the pain to end. You were gone and Desi was so sick and I couldn’t think if my life without my girls. I woke up in the hospital and Desi had to find out and she came to help me and then we found out they found you. I’m just so sorry, Cassie. I’m so ashamed and I’m so sorry.”
She stood up and slowly walked to him. He turned and she pulled him into her arms, holding him as he broke down.
“I love you so much. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for being so brave.”
“Brave? How is this brave? I’m the man of the family and I promised you I would take care of our daughter. How many times have I failed at that? How can you ever forgive me?”
She stroked his face and her tears matched his.
“You have never failed me or Desi. You are a tower of strength, but Ian, you aren’t made of stone. What you have had to deal with is beyond anything anyone should and I am surprised you haven’t made yourself sick before. We are all going to heal now and I think you need to talk to someone to figure out how to feel whole again.”
“No, me being here isn’t going to solve the deep hurt you have had to handle with me being gone so long. You need to feel whole and I want to stand with you as you figure it all out. I love you and I’m with you.”
“I’m fine because you’re here. I just missed you so much.”
Book 2, titled Meant to Be, will be out in August (more info soon), but in the meantime, I have some specific posts for you to look forward to. I specifically left out Tessa and Robbie because the next post will be about them. I think you’re going to like what’s in store for them, and it won’t be full of tragedy 🙂
In the meantime, what are you most looking forward to reading as the series continues?
