This is the longest blog post I’ve written, so buckle up and enjoy. I would LOVE your feedback 🙂
I have never really connected my characters with the traditional “bad boy” trope used in a lot of romance novels. Most of my characters have similar connections to the canvas, similar upbringings and are successful in their own right by the time we meet them.
Jimmy breaks that mold for me.
There hasn’t been another character in this series who has changed so completely from where he began. His beginnings were fraught with peril under Rebecca’s hands and once he was removed and taken in by Brian and Rachel, we didn’t hear as much from him. I initially wanted Mike and Jade to raise Jimmy, but it just didn’t seem plausible. I had other ideas for Jade and Mike’s courtship, and taking on a child wasn’t in the cards.
Brian and Rachel were a perfect fit, and leaving Jimmy with them was the right choice. I also didn’t know exactly where Jimmy would fit in on the canvas. He was connected, but in a very abstract way.
I brought him into Naomi’s world because I wanted to connect him to the children and Bee and David were always a pair. The babies were so much fun to write, but as younger children, Jimmy seemed to fit better as a companion to Naomi.
I like to think Jimmy had a wonderful childhood and his life was full of happiness and love.
Until Rebecca ruined it.
I always pictured Jimmy playing ball in the majors. I thought it would be so cool to write an athlete since I never really gave the other kids something like that. David played hockey, but that ended pretty quietly.
Jimmy was a pitcher and he was amazing. I had a whole scenario in my head of how it would draw conflict within the family when Naomi wanted to follow him and Tommy and Brittany didn’t approve. I thought we could have some great scenes on the road and really see the amazing man Jimmy became, despite how his life began.
But in the back of my mind, Rebecca was angry. She wanted her son back and she was going to make her move.
Naomi was the one I planned on putting in the middle.
But then something changed. A new idea formed.
Another devious plan emerged.
And it was life altering- both literally and figuratively.
I never shy away from torturing my characters. I say that in a loving way, because most of the conflict I write comes from internal struggles to outward forces. I don’t write lying or cheating stories, because I like bringing conflict out of situations within a character’s own life. Cheating is also something I have a hard time moving past, and I don’t feel comfortable writing about it.
I must have written the scene where Jimmy is hit by the car ten different ways. I was going to have Rebecca take him and then we would find him later. I was going to have him die. I was going to have Naomi hurt and Jimmy feel responsible.
And then it hit me. (Pun intended).
Having Jimmy lose his arm was a calculated risk. It involved many characters, from Tommy working on him to Naomi trying to help him to Rebecca being on the canvas again.
But I worried that people wouldn’t really care. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but Jimmy wasn’t a prominent character, and I needed to make his injury serve a purpose.
It was about this time I was developing a plan for Sabrina and David which didn’t include them being together anymore. I just felt like they didn’t fit, and I had been developing Desi for a long time in my head and she became the one for David.
I didn’t plan on putting Sabrina with Jimmy. That didn’t come up for a while. I just wanted to break up Sabrina and David. I had Desi’s story to begin. I kind of let Sabrina dangle a bit. I needed to see where her story went.
After Jimmy’s injury and recovery, we didn’t see him very much. I showed his Bar Mitzvah because I wanted to check in with him and it showed him with the appearance of being okay. Coming to terms with things. Healing.
“The Hardest Goodbye”, book 20, was the last time we saw Jimmy for a little while. This was his last conversation with Mike.
“You have the right parents. Rachel and Brian are the best and you are their blood relative. They have been the best parents to you.”
Jimmy smiled.
“I know that. What I also know is that you stayed in my life and you didn’t have to. We weren’t related and you had been hurt deeply by what happened. I must have reminded you of that every day and yet you stayed with me. You have been my Uncle my whole life and you have always been someone I could count on. You didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to stay near me and you did. I just want you to know how much I appreciate that. I want you to know that you are my family and that will never change.”
Mike shrugged and looked at him.
“It has been my honor to share a part of your life.”
Jimmy smiled.
“I also know it was that woman who hit me with the car and it was the man who was my dad who hurt Tessa and Uncle Jack. I also know he hurt you in Iraq and I know you saved everyone from him. He’s gone and my mother is in jail and everyone can live happily because of that. I want to thank you for doing that. You survived everything and came home to save Tessa and that’s awesome. You are the bravest man I have ever met and I want to grow up to be brave like you.”
“No. I have done very little in my life to be proud of, Jimmy. Being able to watch you grow up into the man you have become is one of my greatest privileges. Thank you.”
Jimmy hugged him and Brian walked in and smiled at them.
“Ready to go?”
Jimmy nodded, looking at the two men who were his role models.
“I’m a lucky kid.”
Mike and Brian laughed and they left.
Mike picked up his phone to call Jade and tell her how blessed he was.
But this wasn’t realistic. I knew Jimmy would come to resent all that occurred. Who wouldn’t? I just didn’t see the damage it would cause. The hurt and anger which festered.
We didn’t see Jimmy at all in the next book, although Naomi spoke of him. We next heard about him in “Defining Moment” book 22, when he broke up with her via text. It was sudden and out of character, and it spring boarded the colossal mess that was about to become of Mike, Jade, Brian and Rachel’s life.
But the worst part was the terror I was about to put Tommy through. It’s weird, but of all the trauma I’ve inflicted on my characters, what I did (okay, Peter did) to Tommy in the basement of the building stays with me the most. I don’t know if it’s because in a way, he’s my favorite, or because it was so cruel, or maybe because it ended his career, or (okay, I think all of it is why).
But getting back to Jimmy; he was an integral part of this. He spoke to Rebecca. He allowed her to get access to a phone. He let her contact Paul. He let her find Evan and Liz. He led her to Tommy and Naomi. He threw Megan in Tommy’s face, and that sent him into a downward spiral.
Some things are unforgivable.
And some things open a vault to a level of anger you never saw coming.
At first, Jimmy tried to apologize. He tried to get Naomi to talk to him. By this time, Bryan had entered the picture, and although they weren’t together yet, Naomi was beginning to see Bryan in a way she never saw Jimmy. (And I know, Brian (Jimmy’s dad) and Bryan (Jason’s son) have the same name. I don’t know what I was thinking. Too late to change that 🙂 ).
Book 24 came and went and we heard about what Jimmy had done, but he didn’t appear in any scenes. I struggled with what Jimmy was going through during this time. I knew it must be huge. He lost his mother and his father and sisters were dealing with so much because of him. He lost Naomi and his group of friends and I couldn’t imagine how lonely and isolating he must have felt.
It made sense to me for Jimmy to want to know his birth mother. This woman who hurt him so profoundly and who everyone hated. He would want answers, and in his fragile state, he may take the bait.
Jimmy fully reappeared in Book 24, “Choices”. This was a turning point book for the kids as Sabrina was in chaos and so was Jimmy. Sabrina had become someone she didn’t like and her choices hurt the people around her.
What happened to Desi changed Sabrina and her guilt and anger never truly disappaited. She felt responsible for the rape and it didn’t matter what anyone said, she had trouble living with her choices.
Jimmy was in a similar state. He realized just how messed up his life had become and how he allowed Rebecca to destroy every single relationship he ever formed.
Stabbing her was the beginning of Jimmy’s redemption in a way. It was a point of no return. It was a new Jimmy reemerging.
He said his peace with Mike and Jade. He tried to find a way to go on. When he made his way onto the ledge, he was okay with his choice. He was done and this life wasn’t for him anymore.
Having Sabrina find him on the ledge just as Jack found Sabrina was all done on purpose. Both characters were on the ledge for different reasons, but both at a crossroads. Sabrina couldn’t see how anyone messed up as badly as she had, and Jimmy couldn’t see how anyone would ever be able to look at him and not see the pain he caused.
It was during that scene I felt their connection.
I saw their future and it wasn’t going to be easy, but I wanted to try. I needed to see if they could fit together. Having Jack catch Jimmy after he jumped was a little ode to Mike catching him all those years ago.
And so Jimmy’s redemption began. Sort of. This was one of the hardest conversations I ever wrote, and it was right before Jimmy went to the roof, while he was in the hospital, angry at the world after stabbing Rebecca. Mike and Jade came in and Jimmy went after them again. He was always so cruel, especially to Jade. I hated that about him, but it was his defense mechanism. He thought if he could hurt them, they would stop caring about him. Mike and Jade tried to get through to him, tried to show him he had always been loved and wanted.
“Who is that? One of the twins? Did you sit on her?” Jimmy asked as he looked at the picture of Jade holding a small child with a cast on his arm.
“That’s enough,” Mike said. “Grow the hell up and stop insulting everyone.”
Jade shook her head.
“That’s you, when you were about a year and a half old.”
Jimmy looked at the picture.
“What happened to me?”
“Someone shook you and broke your arm. You had sores on your body and you were malnourished,” Jade said.
“Why were you there?”
“Because I loved you and I loved Mike. I wanted you to be safe and we decided to try and adopt you.”
He chuckled.
“Sure you did.”
“We did, but Rachel and Brian stepped in and that was a better choice for you. They wanted you so much and they were ready to take you in. You also loved them and were finally happy.”
Jimmy didn’t say anything.
“There is also one more thing you need to hear.”
“What.”
“Rebecca was with Mike for less than two years. Mike and I have been married for almost 12. I knew Mike for all of two months before Rebecca poisoned me. My heart slowly died because of what she did. A few months after the poison started, she used a stun gun against me, which almost made my heart explode. She found out about my past, that I was a child of rape and found out my birth mother worked at the hospital. She exposed her and my mother was so distraught, she tried to kill herself, but Rebecca made sure it happened and had her shot in the head. I never even had one moment to talk to her, to tell her I was okay. To forgive her for abandoning me. Rebecca took that from me. All of this, all of it was after I had known Mike for less than a year.”
Jimmy’s expression was hard to read, but it was clear he had no idea about this.
“I am sorry you have had a rough life, but it’s time to make a choice.”
Mike watched as she stood up and leaned over the table, resting her hands in front of Jimmy.
“Grow up and be a man, or stay a sad, pathetic whiny child. We are here for you. We have always been here for you, but if you think, for one second, that we are weak or vulnerable or that you can threaten my daughters without paying the price, then you will learn what a true mother will do when her children are in danger.”
She leaned in close.
“Don’t you ever threaten my family again or I will rip you apart. Do you understand me?”
Jimmy blinked and his tears fell.
“I asked you a question.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“Good. Now we are here if you are ready to make something of yourself, but if not, this will be our last conversation.”
She stood up and looked at Mike before she walked out.
Jimmy was at his lowest when he walked onto that ledge. He was out of options and he hated himself and what he became.
Sabrina was his moment.
She was in a similar mindset.
Their love story was born
I needed Jimmy to go away and get help. He needed to figure out who he was and what he could do with this second chance. He needed therapy and
hospitalization and it needed to be about him and nobody else. The last scene we saw of Jimmy was one of my favorites.
“Why are you telling me this now?” Jimmy asked.
“Because when we took you in, there was no discussion. We both wanted
you. I always wanted a son and you were just perfect. You had been through hell with the people Rebecca put you with and yet you looked at us with such love and acceptance. Your mom and I vowed to always take care of you. I haven’t followed that, Jimmy, and I’m sorry. When I look at you, I don’t see what happened to your mom. I see all of the baseball practices and games. I see when you lost your first tooth and I see your first report card. I think about the holidays and vacations and the laughter and the tears. I see my son, and I would like to be able to help you. I think maybe you can help me, too.”
“You’ll let me come home?”
“I would really like for you to want to come home. I spoke to the doctors, Jimmy. You need to see a therapist. You need to want to work through
these issues and be a happier person. I can’t do this if you don’t want it. I
was just hoping maybe you would decide to try.”
Jimmy was quiet and he got up and walked to Brian.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything,” he said and his tears fell. “I miss mom so much. I’m sorry dad.”
Brian stood up and pulled him into his arms, ignoring his sore shoulder. He let his own tears fall and he nodded.
“How about we miss her together? It’s pretty lonely alone in the house.”
“I want to try and fix my head. I don’t like who I am. I don’t like feeling so bad all the time.”
Brian smiled and stepped back.
“I don’t either. I think maybe we can do this.”
“But I stabbed someone. I think I have to go to jail,” Jimmy said and cried.
Brian nodded.
“I have some more news. Sit down.”
He did and Brian sat across from him.
“I got you a lawyer and we spoke to the judge. They will give you probation if you agree to go to an inpatient treatment for a month for intense therapy. You will need to do community service after and you can’t get into any trouble, or you will have to go to jail. There is a great center in Ann Arbor and I am going to put the house up for sale and look for a place there as well. It’s close to the twins and I just want to leave this house behind. I was hoping we could look for a new place together. We could both have a fresh start, if you want it.”
“I think I can do that. We can hit it out of the ballpark, right?” Jimmy asked him, using a phrase Brian always used to say.
“Right now, I’d settle for a successful bunt.”
Jimmy laughed and Brian smiled.
They both sat there and for the first time, there wasn’t so much darkness all around them.
It’s not until book 27 that we hear about Jimmy again. He doesn’t appear,
but we learn that Sabrina has been talking to him almost daily. She tells us
he’s been doing great and they are friends.
From how defensive she gets when people ask if Naomi knows, I would guess she feels they are more than friends, but I digress :).
We next see Jimmy in book 28. I love this entrance.
Jack grinned and held out his hand.
“Come in, please.”
Jimmy shook his hand and smiled in relief.
“Thank you.”
“Come into the family room and sit with us,” Stephanie said. “Sabrina is on her way home.”
He followed them and Jack couldn’t get over how good he looked. The last time they saw him was almost eight months ago.
“They are beautiful,” Jimmy said after he looked at the sleeping babies. “My dad told me to tell you Mazel Tov.”
“Is Brian here?” Stephanie asked.
“Yeah. He came in to be with Uncle Mike. I want to see him, too, but I wanted to be sure it would be okay. I really came here, though, to apologize and to thank you.”
“Apologize for what?” Jack asked.
He looked at his hand.
“It’s no secret that I was in a terrible place before. My behavior and my actions are indefensible and I can’t change that. What I’m trying to do now
is make better choices that help me do something worthwhile with my life. I
can’t bring my mom back, but I can be someone she would be proud of. What you did for me on the hospital roof not only saved my life, literally, it showed me that I might be worth something after all.”
Jack smiled at him.
“We have all always thought you were worth something. You have been
through so much, but deep down, you were always a good person. I’m just glad you realize that now.”
“I’ve been through a lot of therapy and I’ve been able to come to terms with what I come from,” he rubbed his hand on his jeans. “When I think of the
damage I did to the trust people put in me, it’s overwhelming. The worst is
what I did to Mike and Jade.”
Stephanie tucked her hair behind her ears and shook her head.
“You know what I think? I think Mike needs to see something really good in the world right now and you might be just the thing to help him.”
Mike wasn’t quite as receptive, but in his defense, Jade was dying and Jimmy hadn’t always been the nicest to her.
When Sabrina got home, her happiness was apparent to everyone involved.
The door opened and Sabrina walked in. She froze when she saw Jimmy who
stood up and faced her.
“Jimmy? Are you really here?” she asked as her long brown hair fell in her eyes and she moved it.
He walked to her, grinning like a little kid.
“Yeah. I told you I was coming.”
“I know,” she stammered. “I just didn’t want to hope it was true. I was afraid it wouldn’t work out.”
“It did. We’re here for a few days.”
Sabrina couldn’t stop smiling. This was just the best thing ever.
“Would you like to go get some coffee? I mean, if that’s okay? I know you guys need my help here.”
Stephanie was choked up seeing her daughter so happy.
“It’s fine. Just be home in time for dinner, okay?”
“Okay,” she said.
“I have our car,” Jimmy said.
“Okay. Let’s go,” Bee said and they walked out.
“Wow,” Jack said.
“Yeah. He looks amazing. He looks happy.”
“So did our daughter,” he said.
Jimmy being back allowed for me to show just how much he had grown as a man and as a person who was truly redeemable. There was a lot he felt he needed to fix, but he truly wanted to. I also wanted to show that he was okay if things didn’t go well. He leaned how to cope with things. He was stronger.
That doesn’t mean he was perfect. He had a lot of hangups and living without his arm was the biggest. He came to terms with it, but the thought of intimacy was paralyzing to him.
Sabrina adored him.
He wasn’t sure he was worthy.
One of my favorite exchanges between Sabrina and Jimmy happened months later, when he came to visit. She did something she knew he would hate and when she told him, she worried he would leave.
“After you left last month, I contacted the prison and left Rebecca a message that I wanted to talk.”
He felt the color drain from his face.
“You did what? Why would you do that? I specifically asked you to leave it alone,” he said and stood up, walking away.
Sabrina stood up and went after him.
“I just wanted to fix something,” she said through her tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Did you talk to her? Did she hurt you?” he asked as his fear permeated his body.
“What? No, I never actually saw her. I got in trouble and I dropped it.”
“How did you get in trouble? I don’t understand.”
She rubbed her arms and hesitated.
“The prison called Mike and told him. He told my parents.”
“Mike had to get involved? Oh my God,” he said as he turned and paced.
“It’s fine,” she said, his reaction making her feel worse. “He wasn’t even angry.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” he turned to her, his tone not as angry as it was hurt. “I ruined Mike’s life and I put his family through hell and just when I try to begin to fix things, he is faced with Rebecca again. Right after his wife has a second transplant because of the damage Rebecca did to her. I don’t know how you could do this.”
She nodded and turned to walk back to the blanket when his voice stopped
her.
“She could kill you. What if she tried to hurt you? What if she uses me to hurt you?”
“What? How could she do that? Jimmy, you wouldn’t hurt me, I know that
for sure. I underestimated my ability to help and I’m truly sorry. I hurt you
and Mike and my parents and I can’t take it back, but I’m fine and she never
got to me. It’s over and I won’t be so stupid again.”
He went to her and reached to touch her cheek.
“Why would you do something so dangerous? I don’t understand.”
She covered his hand with hers and when she blinked, her tears spilled
over her cheeks.
“I just wanted to help you. I wanted you to know that it was okay for us
to be happy. You didn’t want to be with me and I don’t understand why I’m such a mess. Every time I think I’m doing something for the right reasons, it blows up in my face and I just didn’t want that to be true. I really like you and
when you just walked away, I had to do something. I’m sorry. I get it now, and
I’m working to fix myself, but I’m not there yet. Please don’t be angry with me, okay? I can’t take it.”
“I’m not angry with you, I’m scared. You might think things blow up in your face, but look at my life. I took everything that was good and everyone
who cared and I tossed them all aside. I mean, you watched me jump off a roof and if your dad wasn’t there, I would be dead. I told you we shouldn’t be
together because I don’t want you to be another person I screw up. I don’t know how to be in a relationship for the right reasons and I just didn’t want you to regret anything.”
She pulled him to her and her mouth met his in an intense and passionate
kiss. Her arms wrapped around him and he held her flush against his body.
“I don’t want to be confused anymore,” she said inches from his face, her hands holding his face. “I want to be here, with you, and whatever we need
to do to make it work, I want to try. I just don’t want to miss you anymore. I
don’t want to have regrets.”
“I want that, too. I just need for you to know that if you want to date other people, you should. I don’t want you to feel tied down or pressured.”
She smiled and stroked his cheek.
“This, right here in your arms is all I want. Can you try to believe in that? Believe in us?”
He leaned in and kissed her again.
“Yeah, I can do that.”
Thing were going along well, but Jimmy had to answer to the judge for all
that happened. He was out of jail on strict instructions and he knew the chance was there that he might need to do more or go to jail if the Judge wasn’t satisfied with his work.
He didn’t want Sabrina at the courthouse. He was ashamed, embarrassed,
humiliated. He didn’t want her to ever be a part of that time in his life.
He was so wrong. She loved him and she needed him to know it was okay. She loved all of him- the good and the bad. She needed to be there.
Before the hearing, she went to his hotel room and we began to see another
part of Jimmy that he was petrified to share.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Jimmy’s deep voice came through the door.
“Will you open the door? I don’t want to talk though it.”
“Go home,” Jimmy said. “Please.”
“I’m not leaving and if you don’t open the door, I’ll start yelling and you’ll get in trouble for being here alone.”
He smiled despite his irritation.
“Just a minute.”
She smiled and after a minute, he opened the door, wearing a bathrobe.
“Ooh, fancy,” she grinned and touched the fabric.
He rolled his eyes and smiled as he locked the door behind her.
“I just got out of the shower. I need to get dressed.”
“Why aren’t you wearing a towel? Why the bathrobe?”
“What?”
Sabrina sat down on the couch.
“Most people put a towel on. You’re wearing a robe.”
“That’s a weird question.”
“No it isn’t,” Bee said. “You always cover yourself up for me.”
“Seriously? I came out of the shower and you showed up at my door. I didn’t think it was appropriate to walk around naked.”
“You’re not naked,” she challenged. “You have shorts on.”
“You’re sure of that?”
“Yeah. If you were naked, you wouldn’t be walking around so casually. Those robes don’t stay closed very well.”
“Are you playing some sort of game here? Will you just let me get dressed?”
She shrugged and he walked to the bed and grabbed his bag before he went
into the bathroom.
Jimmy stood and stared in the mirror after he pulled his clothes on.
She was right.
He found a long sleeve shirt in his bag and pulled it on, despite it being a really hot day.
His arm wasn’t on. It was in the bag on the bed and he hadn’t grabbed it.
“Jimmy? Will you please come out?” Sabrina’s voice cut through his thoughts.
He sighed and opened the door, his thick brown hair still wet.
“Sorry,” he said and put his bag down before he sat down on the bed, looking at her. “How did you know I was here?”
“Jade told me. Why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know,” he said. “Look, Sabrina, I appreciate you coming here, but I want you to leave.”
“You know what I want?” she asked softly. “I want someone in my life who
thinks I’m worth the big things. I don’t need someone to shelter me or pretend
everything is fine. You are about to go through something incredibly important and hard for you and you didn’t want me to even know about it. What kind of relationship is that? What do I even mean to you?”
“That’s not it,” he said passionately. “You mean everything to me. You are the one good thing I have in my life after so much hurt and anger. You are the person who fills me with happiness and optimism. You are the only person
who matters.”
She walked to the bed and sat down facing him.
“Then why would you hide this? Why not let me help you?”
He stood up and shook his head.
“I stabbed my mother. I almost killed her. I tried to kill myself. These aren’t issues that just go away and they aren’t parts of my life I’m proud of. The judge is going to rehash everything tomorrow and my mother will probably be sitting there, too. The judge might decide I’m not doing enough to make things right and he could send me away. I don’t want you to have anything to do with that. I don’t want you anywhere near that part of me.”
She got up and walked to face him.
“I’ve known you for a long time. I’m not stupid or naïve and I know what you’ve been through and what you’ve done. I found you on that ledge remember? I saw the hurt and the despair and I felt it. I am not looking for someone who is perfect because nobody is. I am standing here, looking at you and I see you. I see the man who has taken horrible circumstances and made the choice to turn them around. I see the man who dropped everything and came to my bedside when I was hurt. I see the man who treats me with such tenderness and care that it makes me feel like I deserve that.”
He turned away and she took his hand.
“But I need you to see me, too. I need for you to see that I’m here and nobody is forcing me to be. You need to know that I can take it, the good and the bad. I don’t need things to be great all the time, but I need for you to trust that I’ll be by your side through it all. I want that, but only if you do, too. You can’t continue to hide from me.”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Right. You had a robe on and now you’re wearing a long sleeve shirt and it’s 85 degrees out.”
He blushed, not realizing she picked up on that.
“I think you should go.”
“I know you only have one arm. Why can’t you show me your body? You don’t have to cover up all the time.”
“Boy, you just say what’s on your mind whenever you want, huh?”
“Am I wrong?”
“When exactly was I supposed to show you my body? I’m forgetting that one.”
“You don’t have to show me, but you go out of your way to cover up. I need for you to trust me. Am I completely off base here? Maybe you’re just not interested.”
“It’s all too much right now, Bee. I can’t deal with all of this the way you want. I don’t know what to do to make you see that I’m trying my best to just get through tomorrow. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know that after tomorrow I’ll even be able to see you again.”
“You have done everything the Judge asked, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why wouldn’t he be happy? Why do you expect the worst will happen?”
“I don’t know,” he said as he went back to sit on the bed. “But you’re throwing all of these things at me and I don’t know how to process everything. I don’t want to push you away, but I need for you to hear me. I’m scared about tomorrow and I need to figure out how to deal with what might happen. I don’t want to ever be the person I was before. Everything you’ve said deserves a response, but I’m drowning right now. I don’t know how to handle it all.”
She sat down and took his hand.
“You’re right, this isn’t the time. I think we should talk tomorrow after the hearing.”
“If we can.”
She stood up and looked at him.
“I believe it will all be okay. I’ll leave you alone now.”
He watched her leave and he locked the door, sliding to the floor and letting his tears fall.
I love feisty Sabrina. She goes after what she wants and she isn’t afraid to
call Jimmy on his issues. What she doesn’t understand is that his fear and
insecurity aren’t about her. He just doesn’t want to ruin things. He worries
his injuries will be too much.
The hearing happened at the beginning of book 30. Sabrina came with Jack
even though she knew Jimmy didn’t want her there. Rebecca said some awful things and Jimmy was forced to rehash a lot, but it went well and he showed just how much he has changed.
Sabrina was affected more than she thought by all he went through. She was terrified he would be angry she came when all she wanted was to be with him, to love him and hold him.
Jack walked out with them, leaving Sabrina standing there.
Jimmy walked to her and she wiped her tears.
“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want me to come. I know you told me to stay out of it, but I think I have fallen in love with you and I wanted to be here. I needed to be here.”
He didn’t say anything. He simply pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you,” he said after a minute.
“Can I see you again before you leave?”
“My dad is going back tonight but I’m staying at the hotel. Can we have dinner?”
“I would like that.”
She turned to leave and he held her hand, stopping her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I love you, too.”
She melted into him as his lips pressed against hers.
I thought a lot about the next scene in the hotel room. I debated what would
happen. It seemed right that they would have sex, being in a hotel room, alone, no interruptions.
But Jimmy had to get over another hurdle that was always in the way. Always in the forefront of his mind.
This next scene is one of my favorites.
“So what are your plans after you go back tomorrow?”
“I need to get a job,” he sighed. “It’s not so easy to just apply anywhere. I hate having to talk about my issues.”
“Why is it any of their business?”
“It’s not, but if I apply at a restaurant, they will need to know. I can’t file as fast as other people. I don’t want to work outside where I will have to wear t-shirts.”
He got up and paced and she walked to him.
“I didn’t realize just how much you’re still bothered by other people’s reactions. Have you faced a lot of problems like that?”
“Not really. I avoid most situations. I wear a lot of long sleeve shirts and keep my hand in my pocket. Most people aren’t so observant to notice my hand isn’t real.”
“Do you wear long sleeves at home?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you’re just at home relaxing. Do you hide there?”
“No, but I’m not hiding. I just don’t broadcast things. I’m okay with who I am, I just don’t like to tell people my issues.”
“Am I ‘people’?”
“No.”
“So why do you hide from me?”
“It’s not something I want you to see.”
Sabrina stood there and nodded.
“I know, but that’s kind of insulting. I love you and I want to be with you. If you don’t trust me to love all of you, then I don’t think we have anything here. I am not such a shallow person, Jimmy. Let me see you.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you afraid I’ll turn away? Run screaming?”
“I hope not,” he said softly, extremely nervous at where this was heading.
He watched as she walked to him and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.
“You have the most beautiful chest,” she said as she ran her fingers over his firm skin, covered lightly with hair. Her hands moved and pushed the shirt off his shoulders and he closed his eyes out of fear.
Her heart ached at his terror and she held his face in her hands.
“Look at me,” she whispered close to his mouth.
His eyes opened and she pressed her mouth to his.
He stopped thinking. He stopped worrying and preparing for the worst.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer as the kiss deepened.
“I think you’re a beautiful man,” she said as she ran her hands over his
shoulders and to his injured arm.
“I’m not beautiful. I have so many issues,” he stepped back and looked into her beautiful brown eyes. “I don’t know how to see myself the way you do.”
“Come here,” she said and took his hand, walking to the bathroom and moving so he was facing the mirror. She moved behind him and stood to the side, so she could be seen.
He tried to move and she smiled as she blocked him.
“I could pick you up with one arm,” he grinned.
“You could,” she said as she bit her lip. “But you won’t.”
He turned back and stared at her in the mirror.
“Tell me something beautiful you see in the mirror,” she said.
“You.”
“Stop it. Forget me. Tell me something beautiful about you.”
“This is silly.”
“We’re not leaving here until you do it.”
His eyes rolled at her insistence, but he adored her strength.
“I’m tall.”
“Why is that beautiful?”
“Because it’s manly,” he grinned.
She looked at him and he wiggled his eyebrows.
“It’s kind of sexy,” she agreed. “Tell me something else.”
“That’s it.”
Sabrina leaned her cheek against his arm as she looked at them in the mirror.
“I think what’s in here is beautiful,” she said as she ran her hand over his bare chest.
“Like the blood and stuff?”
She playfully smacked him and he grinned.
“No, your heart. You have such a powerful presence in the world and when I see you, like really see you, I feel like the world is just as it should be.”
He took her hand in his and moved it off of his body.
“Let me out, please.”
She moved and he walked into the main room, pulling his shirt back on.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she walked out.
“Nothing. It’s getting late and your parents don’t know we’re here alone.”
“Right. So how long are you going to do this?”
“Do what?” he sighed.
“Shut down when things get too serious? Push me away when you want to pull me close?”
“You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, when it comes to you and me, I am. Jimmy, I have been through the
worst few years of my life. I know it doesn’t compare to what you’ve dealt
with, but for me, it was terrible. I lost everything. Every friend I had and the one relationship I always counted on was gone and I had no one to blame but
myself. People were hurt because of me and no matter how hard I work to be a better person, those things will never go away.”
“I understand,” he said as he sat down. “But.”
“No, I’m not done. I was lost and alone and I didn’t know how to move
forward with my life. When you stepped onto that ledge, I was with you. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to learn to love myself and I didn’t
think I would ever find anything good about myself.”
She wiped her eyes.
“But then we started to talk and I began to look forward to things again. It didn’t happen right away, but over time, I began to count the minutes until we could talk and the good times in my day became longer than the bad. Our feelings developed over months and this isn’t a quick fling. I am asking you to trust that I am here because I want to be and I don’t need anyone to take care of me or protect me. If you’re in this with me, then don’t be scared. If you aren’t ready, then be honest and I’ll leave you alone. Just don’t do what you think you’re supposed to. Do what you feel.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly. “My feelings for you scare me.”
“I know,” she said as she walked to stand between his legs. “Mine scare me, too.”
He pulled her gently to sit on his lap.
“What do you want right now?” he asked.
She turned a little and faced him.
“You.”
A lot more happened during book 30, but I wanted to end Sabrina and Jimmy on a hopeful note. I thought a lot about if and when I would have any of the ‘kids’ take the next step in their relationships.
David and Desi seemed the obvious choice, but it didn’t seem right. Desi has
a lot to continue to work through and David isn’t quite ready yet.
Naomi and Bryan were a strong contender 🙂 I feel they are both mature for
their age, but having Bryan 18 and Naomi just 16 made we wonder if it was
really right. He was graduating and moving away and I didn’t want it to be
something quick and done.
It’s not like I had to have one couple do anything. I just felt like Sabrina
and Jimmy were at that point. That moment. That time in their relationship.
They were ready.
“I just needed to see you,” she sighed. “Everything is such a mess and you always help me put things into perspective.”
“How do I do that?”
“You cut to the chase. You look at situations in a way that makes sense. At the risk of sounding really clingy, I just needed to be close to you.”
He smiled as she looked at her hands.
“You can cling as much as you need.”
She took a deep breath and exhaled.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I know you’re hesitant to be with me, and I understand. I just need you
to know that I am not going anywhere. I am not here because I expect anything from you,” she was silenced when his mouth was on hers.
Sabrina moved to pull him closer and he used his arm to easily lift her
onto his lap. She straddled his waist and he ran his hand over her thigh.
“Can we go to your room?”
He looked at her and tucked her hair behind her ear. Her brown eyes were full of love and desire and he smiled.
“Are you sure?”
Her mouth was on his again.
“I’m sure. It’s okay if you don’t want to.”
“Third door on the right,” he smiled and they got up. She took his hand as they went to his room and she smiled as she looked around.
“You made your bed?”
“When I took a shower, I cleaned up.”
She watched him as he pulled his shirt off.
“Do you want me to stay covered?”
“No,” she moved to run her hands over his chest. “I love your body.”
He swallowed as she untied her dressed and it fell to the floor. She stepped out of the fabric and stood in her bra and panties.
“You are so beautiful,” he said softly as he pulled his jeans off and moved to close the gap between them.
“You make me feel like I’m the only person in the world,” she said as her mouth met his again.
He moved to the bed and she lay down, reaching for him.
“I’ve never done this before, so you need to tell me if you want me to do something different,” he smiled.
“I’ve never done this either, so I think whatever you do will be my favorite,” she grinned as she tried to settle the awkwardness.
He sat up as she removed the last of her clothing and she bit her lip as he pulled off his briefs.
She moved on the bed to give him room and he lay next to her, her hands
holding his face.
He leaned in to press his mouth to hers and she wrapped her arms around him as they loved each other into the afternoon.
It was sweet and sensual and Sabrina had never felt so loved and cherished.
Jimmy saw her tears later as she lay with her head on his chest and he worried.
“Did I hurt you?”
She looked up at him, her chin on his chest.
“No,” she kissed his body. “I’m just happy.”
“So these are tears of happiness?” he asked as he kissed her fingers.
“They are,” she said softly. “I never want this moment to end.”
“We have some time before you need to leave,” he smiled.
“I don’t ever want to leave,” she said as she moved to kiss him again.
To add a little humor to the aftermath, I wrote this scene.
“I know. I need to work more on my essay. I also need to finish my portfolio for NYU.”
“Okay. Let me know if you need any help.”
Sabrina stood up and nodded.
“Okay.”
“And I hope you were safe tonight.”
Sabrina froze and turned to look at her mother.
“How did you know?”
Stephanie stood up and walked to her.
“You’re my daughter. I know.”
A mother always knows 🙂
I ended the series with Sabrina graduating and heading to college and Jimmy going too. There was promise and love and optimism.
Continuing the series gave me a chance to move things forward six years. The ‘kids’ were now adults, with lives and situations all their own.
Some remained together. Some didn’t.
I plan to focus the first few books on specific characters/couples. Jimmy and Sabrina are up first.
These six years haven’t been kind to them. Individually, things are okay.
Together, they aren’t.
A crisis happens and brings everyone back together, but for some, coming
home again means facing the reality of where your life is and what you’ve become.
For Sabrina, she is harboring a secret that is eating her alive.
For Jimmy, he is going through the motions of a life he isn’t truly living.
When they are thrust back together, old wounds are opened and secrets are
revealed.
Presenting… a preview of One love
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She was in New York, working for
a famous fashion designer, and her dreams were all coming true.
So why was she hiding in a bathroom stall waiting to run for the exits?
Sabrina took out her phone and checked, but Tessa hadn’t replied to her text. Her sister always brought her back to reality.
Kept her grounded.
Something she desperately needed.
Maybe she should pull the fire alarm.
Did this bar even have one?
“Sabrina? Are you in here?”
She froze.
“I’ll be right out,” she said to Ilana, her roommate.
“There’s some guy here asking for you. He’s hot.”
Sabrina rolled her eyes.
“Okay, thanks.”
“Are you sick? Do you want me to get something for you to take the edge off?”
“No, I’m good. I just need a minute.”
“Okay, but if you don’t come and talk to this guy, I can’t be responsible for what I do.”
Sabrina waited until Ilana left and she felt her tears prick her eyes.
None of this was what she imagined.
She checked her phone again, and there was nothing.
A tinge of worry crossed her mind, but she let it go. Tessa was living her own life and she wasn’t supposed to be at Sabrina’s beck and call.
Still, it was unlike her sister to ignore a text.
When was Robbie coming home? Maybe she was with him.
Sabrina should know the date. She should know what was happening in her
baby sister’s life.
She took a minute and gathered herself before walking out and up to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror.
Her fingers ran over the intricate braids in her hair and she hardly recognized herself. Her face had more makeup than she cared to wear and the skin-tight dress she had on cost more than she could afford.
It was on loan from work.
She suddenly felt dirty and wanted to take it off.
She wanted to take everything off. The dress. The makeup. The braids.
This wasn’t who she wanted to be.
Making her way out of the bathroom, she stepped over the beer bottles and
mess on the floor as she made her way to the door. She felt a hand on her
behind and she flipped around to see a guy smirk and apologize.
Holding her purse to her, she walked faster and bumped into Ilana.
Shit.
“There you are,” Ilana said. “You don’t want to let this one go. I think he’s famous or something.”
Sabrina fought back tears as she realized what was wrong.
She missed her family.
She missed home.
“Um, I have to go. You can have the guy.”
Ilana looked at her like she was crazy.
“Yeah, I need to leave.”
Ilana crossed her arms as she tried to figure out what was happening and
Sabrina turned to leave when she smacked into someone.
“Sabrina?”
Her mouth fell open.
“Bryan?”
His face broke into a huge grin, but he frowned when he saw her sadness.
“What’s wrong?”
“Can you get me out of here?”
“Sure, come on.”
She smiled a little as Ilana winked at her and she didn’t care.
He was comfortable. He was familiar.
She needed that.
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