Jimmy.
I love when a character takes a turn I didn’t see coming. Like Stephanie, I always pictured David and Bee growing up, falling in love and living happily ever after.
I figured Naomi and Jimmy would do the same.
But something changed as they all got older.
I began to see that David and Bee didn’t fit as anything more than friends. Desi brought something out in David that Sabrina never did. It wasn’t working for me and I wasn’t sure why, exactly.
I also found that Jimmy didn’t fit with Naomi as she grew up. He was a part of her past, but her future was Bryan and her personality and interests grew apart from Jimmy.
Putting Jimmy with Sabrina came up out of nowhere. I remember thinking about for the first time when Bee found him on the ledge.
It wasn’t even the juxtaposition of Jack finding Stephanie that way all those years earlier.
It was almost as if they were kindred spirits. Both believing in something that ended up almost destroying them.
Sabrina had her life shattered by something out of her control. She did nothing wrong by wanting to date other people. She was growing and changing and the resulting actions of Drew, Jacob and Derek altered the lives of so many people.
She felt like collateral damage.
In a more obvious way, Rebecca manipulated Jimmy. She used her influence on a boy who wanted answers to questions he didn’t understand. What he did enabled Rebecca to get her claws into the family again, and it cost Rachel her life, not to mention what it did to Evan, Liz and ultimately Tommy.
Jimmy’s downward spiral took him to a place I wasn’t sure he would recover from. After he stabbed Rebecca, I seriously considered having him jump and end his life.
I wasn’t sure where he could go from here.
I needed someone to reach out to him.
Sabrina did that.
I remember so clearly writing that scene. I felt like it was Bee on that ledge. I needed her to see her worth. I needed her to be jolted back into the life she deserved.
Jimmy needed that, too. He deserved it.
I have put this family through terrible things. Awful torture and heart wrenching losses.
Jimmy epitomized that. Losing his arm changed him in every way possible and he was unable to recover emotionally from all that happened.
Sabrina found a kindred spirit.
Jimmy began to see himself as someone worthwhile.
A relationship began.
She walked to the door, but something made her turn to look at the ledge.
Was that a person?
She walked closer and froze when she saw who it was.
“Jimmy? What are you doing up there?”
“Go away,” he said.
Bee realized he wasn’t there for the view and she felt her heart race.
“Can you come down here and talk to me?”
“Go away!” he yelled.
Jack walked up onto the roof and heard yelling. He saw Sabrina standing there and then he saw Jimmy.
“Bee?” he said.
She turned to him and her face told him to stay back.
Jack called for help and stood there.
“I’m going to come up there with you, okay?” she said.
“Sabrina, don’t you dare,” Jack said quietly, but loud enough to hear.
She ignored him and climbed onto the ledge.
“Shit,” Jack said and moved closer. He texted Mike and Bill to get to the roof ASAP.
“Don’t come any closer to me,” Jimmy yelled.
“He won’t,” Bee said and looked at Jack. “I’ve got this daddy.”
He stood back and remained close enough to reach her if needed.
At least he hoped so.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked Jimmy. “I thought I was the only one who had a messed up life.”
He turned slightly to look at her.
“What the hell could possibly be wrong with your life? You’re perfect. You’re beautiful and rich and you have parents who love you. Fuck off with this ‘I’m like you’ crap.”
“It’s easy to assume that, isn’t it? In fact, I was the biggest believer in those ideas, myself. See, the problem is that I hated myself,” she said and felt her tears fall.
Jack listened and ached to hold his daughter and make this okay.
He stood back and just watched.
And listened.
Jimmy moved closer to the edge.
“Why did you hate yourself?”
Bee moved a little closer to him.
“Because I lost everyone who cared about me. I was friends with people who never cared about me and I aligned myself with someone who was part of a rape. I was stupid and I let the people who love me down. I have so much to make up for, Jimmy, but I know I can do it. I want to do it.”
“That’s just it,” he said. “I don’t want to. I’m tired, and I have nobody left.”
“That’s not true,” Bee said. “You have me.”
He chuckled.
“Right. You would never look twice at me.”
“I’m looking at you now,” she said and slowly took his hand.
“I’ll pull you with me,” he said.
“Sabrina!” Jack yelled.
“No you won’t,” she said calmly, ignoring her dad.
Mike and Bill rushed onto the roof and Jack put his hand up to stop them.
“Oh God,” Mike said when he saw Jimmy.
“If I jump, you’re going with me,” Jimmy said to Bee. “You’re an idiot. I told you to stay back and you didn’t listen. Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?” Jimmy yelled.
“I’m listening,” Mike said as he walked closer. “I hear you, son.”
“Oh my God! When will you ever give up? How many different ways can I tell you that I hate you? How many times will you keep coming back? It’s enough! I need to die so you can move on!”
A slow rain began to fall and the ledge became slick.
Mike went to move closer when Jimmy bobbled a little and Sabrina almost fell.
“Stay back!” Jimmy said.
“Stop it!” Jack said and held Mike back.
“Please,” Mike said. “Please don’t do this.”
“I have an idea,” Sabrina said. “How about you come down and we go someplace where you can feel better. I’ll go with you. I’ll stay with you.”
Jimmy looked at her and she held his gaze.
“You don’t seem like you’re lying.”
She shrugged.
“I used to not be able to tell, but now I can. I have never been more serious about anything. I want to help you because I think you can help me, too. Maybe I was supposed to find you here. Maybe this is bigger than you or me. I just think we should listen to what the world is telling us. We both have more to do here.”
Jack was overcome with pride and he knew her words were true.
Jimmy let go of her hand.
“You should get down.”
“Please come with me,” Bee said.
“If you get down, I’ll follow.”
Sabrina looked at him and nodded.
She slowly bent down and Jack grabbed her as she jumped off. He hugged her tightly and she stepped back.
“Jimmy?”
He looked at her and smiled.
“Thank you, but this is for the best.”
“Jimmy, No,” she screamed as Jimmy turned and fell back off the ledge.
I had a few options for what happened next, but ultimately, I needed Jimmy to live. I needed him to be redeemed. I felt like he and Sabrina might be magic together.
So began his redemption.
It wasn’t easy, and he still has things to prove, but I know he is a good man and more importantly, he is beginning to believe it, too.
Bringing Jimmy back into the series after everything he did was a challenge. As good as some of these characters are, accepting someone who almost destroyed you is a hard sell.
I needed him to make amends with so many people- Mike and Jade, Tommy and Naomi, Brian. I also needed him to want to be a better person. I needed him to want to change.
I needed Brian to help him.
Jimmy was sitting in the chair in his room when Brian walked in.
“You came? I didn’t think you would come,” Jimmy said.
Brian walked to sit down and he looked at the boy he raised since he was two.
“What do you want me to say? What can I do that will make you happy? What do you think it would accomplish if you were gone?”
Jimmy was surprised.
“I didn’t think you cared anymore. You told me to leave and never come back. You don’t want me around.”
Brian sighed.
“I was wrong. I’m having a hard time letting go of my anger. It’s incredibly insulting to me that you don’t consider me to be your father. I am truly the only man who has been there your whole life. I have loved you as if you were my own and I would have adopted you if Rebecca would have allowed it. When people ask me how many children I have, my answer is always three. You are as much my child as Erin and Lisa and they adore you as their brother.”
Jimmy looked at his hand.
“It’s my fault mom died. You will never be able to look at me and not think of that.”
Brian felt his eyes fill with tears.
“I miss her, Jimmy. She was my high school sweetheart. She used to hang out with my family all the time because things at her place were so bad. She always wanted a family and she was so excited to be your mom. She could never do anything to help your mom growing up and I think when Rebecca married Mike, we all hoped maybe he would be able to help her. We all had hope, but it was pretty clear that wasn’t the case. Especially when Mike was overseas and she was spending so much time with Nick. It killed your mom to see that. She really respected Mike. We both did. We should have talked to him. We should have prepared him, but when he came back, he was so critical and you were about to be born and we just chose to stay silent.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Jimmy asked.
“Because when we took you in, there was no discussion. We both wanted you. I always wanted a son and you were just perfect. You had been through hell with the people Rebecca put you with and yet you looked at us with such love and acceptance. Your mom and I vowed to always take care of you. I haven’t followed that, Jimmy, and I’m sorry. When I look at you, I don’t see what happened to your mom. I see all of the baseball practices and games. I see when you lost your first tooth and I see your first report card. I think about the holidays and vacations and the laughter and the tears. I see my son, and I would like to be able to help you. I think maybe you can help me, too.”
“You’ll let me come home?”
“I would really like for you to want to come home. I spoke to the doctors, Jimmy. You need to see a therapist. You need to want to work through these issues and be a happier person. I can’t do this if you don’t want it. I was just hoping maybe you would decide to try.”
Jimmy was quiet and he got up and walked to Brian.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything,” he said and his tears fell. “I miss mom so much. I’m sorry dad.”
Brian stood up and pulled him into his arms, ignoring his sore shoulder. He let his own tears fall and he nodded.
“How about we miss her together? It’s pretty lonely alone in the house.”
“I want to try and fix my head. I don’t like who I am. I don’t like feeling so bad all the time.”
Brian smiled and stepped back.
“I don’t either. I think maybe we can do this.”
Jimmy’s road to redemption was a challenge, and reintroducing him later on was something I really wanted to work.
I mentioned him a few books after he left with the following exchange.
“I guess,” Bee held Jess as she slept. “Can I tell you something I haven’t told anyone?”
Stephanie put Matt against her shoulder as he slept.
“Of course. What’s going on?”
“I’ve been talking to Jimmy. Well, writing to him and he’s been writing to me.”
“Really? That’s great, Bee. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I wrote him a lot after he went to treatment and I didn’t hear anything but I kind of figured he wasn’t able to write. About a month or so ago, he wrote me back and we’ve been emailing each other almost every week. The past few days we’ve been talking even more.”
“How is he doing?”
Her face lit up as she spoke.
“He’s doing really well. He and his dad have gone to counseling together and his sisters went too. He is really trying to turn his life around and he knows he has a lot of work to do. He is trying to take classes and catch up so he can graduate next year.”
“All of this sounds wonderful,” Stephanie said. “Why do I detect sadness on your part?”
“I don’t know. I guess maybe I’m worried Naomi will be angry with me?”
“For being Jimmy’s friend? I hardly think that’s something she would do.”
“I guess,” Bee smiled as she put Jess in the bassinette.
“Why don’t you talk to her and tell her what’s happening? My guess is that she will be happy Jimmy is doing well and that you guys are friends.”
“It’s cute how you think teenagers are so nice,” Sabrina said.
Stephanie rolled her eyes.
“It’s cute how you think that’s appropriate to say to me.”
Bee laughed and sat back down.
Having Sabrina mention him and how he was doing was a way to bring him back into the conversation while showing Bee has been communicating with him. His actual entrance was a little different.
“Oh my God,” Jack said as he answered the door. “Jimmy?”
The young man standing on the other side looked nothing like the boy who went over the ledge.
He stood about 6 feet tall and had obviously been working out. His face was chiseled and toned and he looked different.
He looked happy.
“Dr. Stephens, I hope it’s okay I just came by. Sabrina said she would be home soon, but I was hoping to talk to you if you had some time. I know it’s probably crazy with new babies and if you would prefer me to wait outside, I will.”
“Jack? Who is it?” Stephanie asked as she walked in. She was stunned when she saw him.
“Jimmy? You look so great!” she said and walked to hug him.
Jack grinned and held out his hand.
“Come in, please.”
Jimmy shook his hand and smiled in relief.
“Thank you.”
“Come into the family room and sit with us,” Stephanie said. “Sabrina is on her way home.”
He followed them and Jack couldn’t get over how good he looked. The last time they saw him was almost eight months ago.
“They are beautiful,” Jimmy said after he looked at the sleeping babies. “My dad told me to tell you Mazel Tov.”
“Is Brian here?” Stephanie asked.
“Yeah. He came in to be with Uncle Mike. I want to see him, too, but I wanted to be sure it would be okay. I really came here, though, to apologize and to thank you.”
“Apologize for what?” Jack asked.
He looked at his hand.
“It’s no secret that I was in a terrible place before. My behavior and my actions are indefensible and I can’t change that. What I’m trying to do now is make better choices that help me do something worthwhile with my life. I can’t bring my mom back, but I can be someone she would be proud of. What you did for me on the hospital roof not only saved my life, literally, it showed me that I might be worth something after all.”
I wanted the readers to see Jimmy in a nice setting before the other reactions came out. I knew Naomi would be difficult. I also knew Mike was in no way emotionally to handle him.
Jade’s life was hanging by a thread and Mike was barely holding on.
Naomi slammed the door in Jimmy’s face.
Mike wasn’t open to talking.
“Can we sit?” Jimmy asked.
Mike sat down and nodded.
“I don’t really have the words to express how much you have meant to me in my life and in my recovery. I know much of my anger was directed at you and that came out in a lot of ways, none of which were okay. I’ve been in therapy and my dad has come too and so have my sisters. I have been checking in with the probation officer weekly and I have good grades to finish the year. I just want you to know that your faith in me for so many years wasn’t misplaced. I will earn your respect back and I will work as hard as I can to help you learn to trust me again.”
“Okay. I hear you, but you need to stop. My wife is in serious condition right now and I have three daughters who are terrified of losing her. I need to focus on them and I can’t focus on you. I can’t bring you back into my life right now. I’m sorry. What I’ve done to my wife by letting my constant need to help you overtake my sense of reason has been irreparable. I can’t do it again. I can’t allow anything dealing with Rebecca to touch me ever again. She is the reason my wife is dying. She is the reason why my wife has suffered for so long. I can’t allow you to bring that back into my life. I’m happy you’re doing well and I will always want the best for you, but I can’t do this again. I’m sorry.”
Jimmy watched as Mike got up and walked away.
I needed to show how Jimmy had grown and how he was a different person. Bee helped with that.
“I was looking for you. I spoke with Naomi and I was worried when she said she wouldn’t talk to you. You texted me that you were up here, so I came to see you.”
“Afraid I would be on the ledge again?” he smiled.
“No,” she said. “Not at all. I guess maybe I’ve gotten used to talking to you and I wanted to see you,” she stood up. “I’m going to head back downstairs. I’ll talk to you whenever.”
“Sabrina, wait,” he said as he stood up. “I didn’t mean to make you leave. I’m glad you came up here. I like talking to you, too.”
“Look, I am not always the best judge of character. I’ve made mistakes that have cost people a lot and I don’t ever want to put anyone I love through more hurt. I think maybe you should go find your dad and the two of you can help each other.”
“I see. So that’s it?”
She looked at him and nodded.
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Jimmy stood up and walked to her.
“I’m sorry, but that can’t be it.”
She felt her eyes fill with tears as she looked at him.
“Why? What are we even doing?”
“I don’t know, but I think it’s something important. I don’t know what to call it, but through everything, you have been the bright spot in my life. You are compassionate and smart and fiery. You don’t take any shit and you have never backed away from the crap I’ve done. You are someone who makes me happier than I’ve ever been and I don’t know what to call it, but I don’t want to be without you in my life. I would really like to see where this goes.”
She reached to take his hand and pulled him to her for a hug.
“I just need this right now. I just need to feel like I matter to someone.”
He held her and smoothed her hair down.
“You matter. If nothing else, please believe that.”
I have taken Sabrina and Jimmy on a slow journey to building their relationship. They are an unlikely pair, but one that works. Book 30 begins with Jimmy coming to terms with all he has done and the legal issues he faces. It also shows a new side to Sabrina. She is a young woman now, not a child. She has grown up into someone with confidence, strength and power.
Here are two previews from “Her Legacy”
“I want to go and support him. I need for him to know I’m there, no matter what,” Sabrina said to Stephanie and Jack.
“I can’t believe you went to his hotel room when he was there alone,” Stephanie said. “Why do you insist on lying to us?”
“Because you wouldn’t have let me go if I asked to go to his hotel room.”
“You don’t know that,” Jack said. “You don’t give us any credit.”
Sabrina wiped her eyes and looked at her hands.
“I’m sorry. I just really wanted to help him.”
“Does he want you there?” Stephanie asked.
“No. He’s worried Rebecca will be there and the Judge might send him away. He doesn’t want me to see or hear any of what happened. But I found him on that ledge,” she said as her tears fell. “I’ve seen the worst and I love him. I want to be there. I need to be there.”
“You love him?” Jack asked.
Sabrina realized what she said.
“Yeah, I never said that before, but I do. He deserves support. He has changed his whole life and he isn’t just trying to be a better man, he is a better man. I need to be there. I’m not an idiot who can only handle the good stuff. This is his life and I want to be a part of all of it. He has helped me more than anyone and he always drops everything to come and be with me. He never believes he’s good enough and he is. I need him to know that. His past doesn’t define him.”
Stephanie looked at Jack and they both exchanged a knowing glance.
“I’ll take you,” he said.
“Thank you,” Sabrina said sincerely. “I know he’ll be mad I’m there, but he doesn’t know that he needs me.”
Stephanie smiled at her.
“I think he does.”
******
“I don’t think we should have come here,” Jimmy said when they walked into his hotel room. “We told your parents we were going to dinner and then you would be home.”
“I know,” Sabrina smiled. “I just wanted some time alone before you go back home. We still have a few hours before I promised I would be home.”
“Let me turn the air on,” he said. “It’s kind of warm in here.”
“You have a suit on,” she said as she walked to sit down and take her shoes off. “It’s incredibly handsome, but you should take it off.”
“I’m okay,” he said and sat down next to her.
“You’re sweating,” she smiled. “At least take the jacket off.”
He nodded and took off the jacket, leaving his long sleeve shirt on.
“So what are your plans after you go back tomorrow?”
“I need to get a job,” he sighed. “It’s not so easy to just apply anywhere. I hate having to talk about my issues.”
“Why is it any of their business?”
“It’s not, but if I apply at a restaurant, they will need to know. I can’t file as fast as other people. I don’t want to work outside where I will have to wear t-shirts.”
He got up and paced and she walked to him.
“I didn’t realize just how much you’re still bothered by other people’s reactions. Have you faced a lot of problems like that?”
“Not really. I avoid most situations. I wear a lot of long sleeve shirts and keep my hand in my pocket. Most people aren’t so observant to notice my hand isn’t real.”
“Do you wear long sleeves at home?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you’re just at home relaxing. Do you hide there?”
“No, but I’m not hiding. I just don’t broadcast things. I’m okay with who I am, I just don’t like to tell people my issues.”
“Am I ‘people’?”
“No.”
“So why do you hide from me?”
“It’s not something I want you to see.”
Sabrina stood there and nodded.
“I know, but that’s kind of insulting. I love you and I want to be with you. If you don’t trust me to love all of you, then I don’t think we have anything here. I am not such a shallow person, Jimmy. Let me see you.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you afraid I’ll turn away? Run screaming?”
“I hope not,” he said softly, extremely nervous at where this was heading.
He watched as she walked to him and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.
“You have the most beautiful chest,” she said as she ran her fingers over his firm skin, covered lightly with hair. Her hands moved and pushed the shirt off his shoulders and he closed his eyes out of fear.
Her heart ached at his terror and she held his face in her hands.
“Look at me,” she whispered close to his mouth.
His eyes opened and she pressed her mouth to his.
He stopped thinking. He stopped worrying and preparing for the worst.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer as the kiss deepened.
“I think you’re a beautiful man,” she said as she ran her hands over his shoulders and to his injured arm.
“I’m not beautiful. I have so many issues,” he stepped back and looked into her beautiful brown eyes. “I don’t know how to see myself the way you do.”
“Come here,” she said and took his hand, walking to the bathroom and moving so he was facing the mirror. She moved behind him and stood to the side, so she could be seen.
He tried to move and she smiled as she blocked him.
“I could pick you up with one arm,” he grinned.
“You could,” she said as she bit her lip. “But you won’t.”
He turned back and stared at her in the mirror.
“Tell me something beautiful you see in the mirror,” she said.
“You.”
“Stop it. Forget me. Tell me something beautiful about you.”
“This is silly.”
“We’re not leaving here until you do it.”
His eyes rolled at her insistence, but he adored her strength.
“I’m tall.”
“Why is that beautiful?”
“Because it’s manly,” he grinned.
She looked at him and he wiggled his eyebrows.
“It’s kind of sexy,” she agreed. “Tell me something else.”
“That’s it.”
Sabrina leaned her cheek against his arm as she looked at them in the mirror.
“I think what’s in here is beautiful,” she said as she ran her hand over his bare chest.
“Like the blood and stuff?”
She playfully smacked him and he grinned.
“No, your heart. You have such a powerful presence in the world and when I see you, like really see you, I feel like the world is just as it should be.”
He took her hand in his and moved it off of his body.
“Let me out, please.”
She moved and he walked into the main room, pulling his shirt back on.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she walked out.
“Nothing. It’s getting late and your parents don’t know we’re here alone.”
“Right. So how long are you going to do this?”
“Do what?” he sighed.
“Shut down when things get too serious? Push me away when you want to pull me close?”
“You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, when it comes to you and me, I am. Jimmy, I have been through the worst few years of my life. I know it doesn’t compare to what you’ve dealt with, but for me, it was terrible. I lost everything. Every friend I had and the one relationship I always counted on was gone and I had no one to blame but myself. People were hurt because of me and no matter how hard I work to be a better person, those things will never go away.”
“I understand,” he said as he sat down. “But.”
“No, I’m not done. I was lost and alone and I didn’t know how to move forward with my life. When you stepped onto that ledge, I was with you. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to learn to love myself and I didn’t think I would ever find anything good about myself.”
She wiped her eyes.
“But then we started to talk and I began to look forward to things again. It didn’t happen right away, but over time, I began to count the minutes until we could talk and the good times in my day became longer than the bad. Our feelings developed over months and this isn’t a quick fling. I am asking you to trust that I am here because I want to be and I don’t need anyone to take care of me or protect me. If you’re in this with me, then don’t be scared. If you aren’t ready, then be honest and I’ll leave you alone. Just don’t do what you think you’re supposed to. Do what you feel.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly. “My feelings for you scare me.”
“I know,” she said as she walked to stand between his legs. “Mine scare me, too.”
He pulled her gently to sit on his lap.
“What do you want right now?” he asked.
She turned a little and faced him.
“You.”
*******
I truly hope you enjoy “Her Legacy” and although it is filled with heartache, it’s also full of hope and love. I would love to hear some of your favorite moments from the series. Please pre-order your copy of Her Legacy today 🙂
