Reviews.
One of the hardest parts of being a writer is putting your thoughts on paper. Sitting alone in a room with a computer or a pencil and paper is a solitary sport, with our own angels and demons guiding us.
We work. We slave. We spend copious amounts of money and time and effort putting out a product we love and are proud of.
But I think for most of us, the thought of having others read our ideas, our characters, our plots, our hearts, can be paralyzing.
I struggle a lot with this. I know I’m not unique with my feelings, but as someone with an anxiety disorder, reading what people think of my writing is harrowing. I second guess the choices my characters make all the time. ALL THE TIME.
It’s weird, in a way. I stand in front of hundreds of teenagers every single day and I have no issue with being judged. I mean, of course, there’s the occasional comment which hurts, but for the most part, I am confident in my knowledge and skills and I enjoy the whole process. When a student challenges my ideas or lessons, magic can occur.
So I have to ask myself why a critical review of my books bothers me so much?
I use the term critical, because flat-out negative or nasty reviews kind of amuse me. I mean, it’s terrible because it makes me harder and harder to find on Amazon, (books with lower ratings go into the Amazon abyss) but when someone writes something like “don’t bother” or “the writer obviously knows nothing about MS”, I kind of move on from that.
Opinions are like assholes, right? Everyone has them.
It’s when someone criticizes a plot point or a character choice that makes me pause.
I am open to learning and growing. It’s important that I learn to take feedback and work with it. I mean, that’s how we evolve as people.
But I view these characters as my kids in a way. When someone has a problem with them, they have a problem with me.
Right?
One of my more recent comments was about Stephanie.
A reader told me that Stephanie couldn’t be pregnant at her age and with her disease, let alone have twins. It was stupid. Why would I saddle them with more kids? She was selfish.
SELFISH?
That hurt. I am in my 40’s. I have MS. I hope people don’t look at me and think the same way. Unrealistic? Maybe. Selfish? No way.
And what about Jack? Did Stephanie make these babies alone? Can we say double standard?
To be honest, I would love to be a child in the Stephens’ family. What a life of love and support they all have.
I also remember the endless arguments about writing a romance with Brittany being HIV positive. I have written countless times about why I chose to have her HIV positive and why I wanted her to be a doctor. One such criticism went deeper.
I received an email after the release of “One Final Kiss” about Brittany. The email was about my choice to have Brittany and Tommy intimate without using protection. I was told I was promoting AIDS. I was uneducated. I was doing a disservice. Why would anyone want to read about unprotected sex with a woman who was HIV positive?
Now I also received a ton of feedback about that being one of the favorite moments for many readers, but this isn’t about that. 🙂
I can’t tell you the amount of research I’ve done regarding being in a healthy relationship while being HIV positive. Brittany has done everything right. She is on the proper protocol. She has a viral load which is undetectable. She has a husband who is just as informed as she is. She is in a committed and monogamous relationship. She was (at the time) already pregnant. There is nothing a condom would have done at that point to make her husband any safer.
I didn’t just decide to do that. I researched. I know the facts.
Still, that hurt.
It was as if people feel others shouldn’t be able to experience such love.
Brittany worried so much about Tommy being healthy and Naomi being born healthy. I felt as if she was back at square one with the feedback. She was, because I was.
She has never, ever taken Tommy’s health for granted and she would never put him at any risk.
He is also a grown man who knows the facts and makes his own decisions.
Those reviews hurt. They set me back, even if they shouldn’t. I loved the following exchange after they made love. Everyone is entitled to feel love.
“What’s running through your mind?” he asked as he kissed her neck.
She turned a little and touched his cheek. “I never thought I would experience that. I never imagined how amazing you would feel making love to me. I’m so sorry you haven’t had that with me. I can’t guarantee it will happen again unless my viral load stays dormant.”
He moved her hair off of her neck and leaned his chin on her shoulder. “How about we enjoy our afterglow for more than three minutes before we start doubting what happens next? I’m sitting in my new home, in a new bed with my daughter asleep in her room and my wife in my arms. There is nothing I want that isn’t here right now.”
She blinked and her tears spilled over her cheeks. He wiped them and held her face in his hands. “Red, please don’t cry. What is it?”
She kissed his hand and smiled. “Sometimes I think I went through so much pain so I would appreciate what a gift you are to me.”
I just adore Tommy and Brittany. I want everyone else to love them, too.
I have also been criticized because each book only covers a small amount of time. I never really thought of that when writing. I guess it’s true. Some span months and some weeks. I guess it depends on the issue facing the family. When a lot of characters need to show their reactions to something, it takes a lot of space. By the time everyone has dealt with things, the book needs to end.
I don’t like to leave characters out when they would rightfully respond to something.
I think of the series as a soap opera or tv show. Seasons go by and time passes slowly.
Another issue readers have criticized is remembering all that has happened. I know when I reference something happening to a character and they remember the past, it can get confusing. I get that. I try not to actually reprint the memory, because there isn’t space for that, but I understand it’s hard to follow everyone and their back story. I have to look things up. I have to remind myself what happened.
Evan and Liz are my biggest problem with that. If people never read the Beautiful Disaster books, they won’t know any of Evan and Liz’s back story. They also won’t know Jason and Amber. Sometimes I need to explain things better.
I guess as I am winding the series down, I’m reflecting on all that I have been through with this family. I am not upset with any feedback- it is integral to my growth as a writer and a storyteller. Just because I feel something is working doesn’t mean it is. I know what I meant, my readers don’t.
Reviews are an author’s lifeline. They are the difference between being seen and being hidden. They help others decide what books to read and they give author’s valuable input and feedback into their craft.
I want to thank you for sticking with this family. It hasn’t always been easy, but I hope there has always been love.
One thing I don’t have the time or space to address, is the crazy situations I have put everyone through. If you have a minute, please let me know which was your favorite?
Also- I LOVE comments. Please let me know what you are looking forward to reading in the last two books.
And don’t forget to preorder your copy of “Till Death Do Us Part” today!
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