The first time it happened, I was 10. I was told by an adult that I was going to Hell because I didn’t believe in Jesus.
I can only imagine my parent’s anger when I told them and they had to make the choice between letting me see my friend and finding a way to handle what would undoubtedly happen again. I am forever grateful they didn’t make me end one of the best friendship’s I have ever had.
The next time it happened, I was in college. I was told by a group of people they had never met a Jewish person before and they wanted to see my horns. I joked that they only come out at night, but I was stunned. I heard numerous stereotypes, but never that one.
I remember calling home and asking my mom about it. I didn’t know why they would say that. What was worse, is that it wasn’t said in a derogatory way- they truly believed it.
Another time, in college, I was followed around on campus by someone trying to help me “find Jesus” and when I politely asked him to leave, proceeded to tell me I must have been abused my whole life and needed to accept help.
I took a class in college called “The Bible as Literature”. When we got to the section labeled “The Jews kill Jesus” I had a lot of eyes staring at me.
The most blatant time was when I was 23. I was at work and was vacuuming the dog hair (it was a veterinary hospital) and a woman I worked with pinned a dollar bill on the wall next to me where I stood and said she wanted to make a “Jew deal” with me.
I advised the school yearbook for years and I have a dollar bill we collected which said “Kill the Jews” written in sharpie over it. I’m thankful I found that one before my students did. I keep it so I don’t forget. Not that I ever could.
I point this out because I don’t know how to handle what is happening in the world. The above examples are a small part of what I have gone through and I live in an area where there are many Jews and a huge mix of cultures, religions, races and ethnicities.
I am angry with myself for not saying more. I am angry I accepted much of the comments and have never truly stood up for myself.
It angers me when people tell me my race is Jewish. I am white. My religion is Judaism. When I fill out an application, under race it does not say Christian or Jewish. It angers me when I need to explain that.
It angers me that we live in a Country that is so divisive we can’t agree on behavior that in any other time would be universally condemned.
I am angry I lost friends over views that divide. It angers me that I was so blind before that I didn’t see the person they really were.
It angers me that politics has become something I abhor instead of a positive movement towards acceptance.
It angers me that people who have always said they support me are perfectly okay with gutting insurance and preexisting conditions, knowing my life depends on this.
It angers me that people are afraid to love who they want for fear they will be used as political fodder and scare tactics.
It angers me that I have to explain why this angers me.
But I realize something important.
I need to stop being so angry.
I am angry, but I also believe, truly, that people are good.
We are not okay with what is happening in the world. We are more compassionate and hopeful and giving and kind than we see on the news.
On Saturday, I was at the store and I had to buy a Yahrtzeit candle because my dad’s Yahrtzeit is coming up. There was a lady there buying a dozen of them to light for Pittsburgh. We shared a mutual look of sadness mixed with understanding and hope.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I worry about the student’s in my classroom and the world they are about to enter.
I worry.
I’m anxious.
I’m scared.
That’s not helpful or healthy. There is enough to worry about in this life without the added vitriol and anger coming at us from each other.
Being a decent human being is non-partisan.
Caring about each other is non-partisan.
Respecting each other is non-partisan.
I can’t continue living with such anger and I know we all have the power to fix this.
I am Jewish. I am a woman.
I vote.
Please do the same.
