A piece of my heart

This passage is something very near and dear to my heart. It hasn’t been published yet and I’m not exactly sure if and when it will be, but I really wanted to share it with you.

I have written a lot of Tommy’s back story in scenes I haven’t published. Conversations between him and his mom and his dad and many of the moments directly after the accident when he spoke with Julie. Some of it has been simply for me to try and connect more to who he is and what motivates him. Some of it has been because I needed to hear from his parents to know what they were truly like.

Mostly, it’s because I miss my own father and writing Tommy and his dad helps me to get through some tough times. The scene below is one I am particularly proud of, and I think it will appear somewhere in the final book, but I’m not sure where.

There are a few weeks left before Breaking Point goes live, but until then, please enjoy this glimpse into Tommy, and as always, I would love some feedback.

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Tommy walked towards the room and it was like he was living in a fog. How was he here, just walking like this, like he was okay? His mother was dead.

Dead.

There was a car accident and she was killed on impact.

What did that mean?

How did it happen?

Was she in pain?

How did she die, exactly. Was she impaled or crushed? Did she know what was happening?

He had to identify the body.

“Tommy? You okay?” Jack watched him as he stopped walking. “I mean I know you aren’t okay, but,” he sighed.

Tommy looked at him.

“Thank you for being here,” he said softly. “I need to go see my dad.”

Jack swallowed his tears.

“I know. I’ll walk with you.”

They made their way down the hall to the room where the doctors and nurses were talking and whispering. They all stopped when they saw the two 18 year old boys.

“Mr. Williams?” one of the doctors walked up and looked at Jack.

“I’m Tom. Mr. Williams is my dad,” Tommy said quietly.

The doctor nodded.

“Your dad is extremely critical. He suffered massive internal injuries, and I’m sorry, but there’s nothing more we can do. I don’t expect him to survive much longer.”

“Can’t you operate? Can’t you stop the bleeding?” Jack asked.

The doctor sighed and shook his head.

“There is too much damage. I’m so sorry. Is there anyone else we can call for you?”

Tommy shook his head.

“Can I see him?”

“Of course,” the doctor moved and Tommy turned and looked at Jack.

“Will you wait for me?”

Jack wiped his eyes.

“I’m not moving from this spot.”

Tommy nodded and took a deep breath before he walked into the room.

The machines beeped and there were nurses around, looking like they were doing something, but Tommy didn’t know what. He noticed all of them looking at him with pity and he didn’t like that. Who were they to judge him?

He walked slowly to the bed and looked at his father. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be sleeping. His eye was bruised and his arms were cut and bloody. There were bloody pieces of gauze around and the nurse cleaned up and moved a chair closer for him to sit

Tommy sat down and swallowed before he reached to take his dad’s hand. He hesitated and put his hand back in his lap.

“Dad?” he said and his voice cracked. “It’s Tommy.”

His dad’s green eyes opened and Tommy felt his heart race.

“Son?” David asked softly.

Tommy tried to smile.

“Hi dad,” he said.

“Your mother? Juliana? Is she here?” David asked weakly.

Tommy wondered if he could die and still be sitting here. He felt like something within him was gone.

“She didn’t make it,” he said brokenly. “But I think you’re going to be just fine.”

David was quiet for a minute and struggled to focus.

“I’m so sorry. You and Julie don’t deserve this. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tommy said and finally took his father’s hand in his. “You can hold on and it will all be okay.”

“I need you to listen to me,” David said and held Tommy’s gaze.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll let you rest,” Tommy didn’t think he could handle this.

“I don’t have much time left. I can feel it. I need you to listen to me,” David said seriously.

“No, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine,” Tommy began to cry.

“Thomas, look at me,” he said firmly.

Tommy did and his dad smiled.

“You are a man now and your mother and I are so proud of you. You are kind and intelligent and you have made me proud every day of my life. The moment you were born was the greatest of my life because I knew what my purpose was. I became a man the day I fell in love with your mother, but I became a father the first time I held you in my arms. When Julie was born, your mother and I were complete and she is a feisty, beautiful, powerful young lady. She is going to look to you for help and guidance, and I know you can do it,” he took a few shallow breaths and Tommy worried when he was quiet for too long.

“Dad?” he cried.

David opened his eyes and Tommy exhaled.

“You need to make sure she is raised with love and family. I know it isn’t fair and it’s so much to ask, but she’s one of us and she deserves to be with you. She worships you, son, and as much as it is annoying to you, it’s the greatest blessing. She is just like your mom and that’s a gift that needs to be cherished.”

“Dad, please,” Tommy said. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be a man. I need you.”

David squeezed his son’s hand.

“Yes you do. Look in your heart. If it feels right, then it’s right. Julie will need you to be strong for her. She will need you to believe in her and support her. She will struggle with a lot of things, but if you raise her with love and family, what she will give back to you is immeasurable. I know that, because I feel it every time I look at you.”

Tommy watched as his dad tried to move, but couldn’t.

“My shirt pocket. Can you find it?”

Tommy saw his clothes cut up on the floor and he grabbed the paper from the pocket.

“That’s a letter your mother gave me when you were much younger. Hold onto it and read it when you want. It is full of love and hope and just ‘us’. Always know what it means to be from this family. Always know you come from love. Always know I love you.”

Tommy put the note in his pocket and wiped his eyes. He could see his father fading right in front of him. He knew he needed to make this okay for him.

“Dad,” he said. “I love you. You have been the best dad and I will do everything I can to make you and mom proud,” he tried to hold it together and continue. “You don’t have to worry about us. We will be okay. I will do whatever it takes to care for Julie. We will make it. It’s okay.”

David nodded slightly and looked at his son.

“I am so proud of you. I will be with you always. I will watch you become all you ever wanted and I will be there when you settle down and get married. I am counting on you to tease every boy Julie dates and make sure the one she chooses is worthy of her love. But most of all, son, I just want you to be happy. I want you to have children and know the joy that your mother and I have. We will be there, in the face of your children. We are always with you. My son. You are simply my hero,” David looked at him and slowly closed his eyes.

Tommy sat there as the machine stopped and the flat line rang. He didn’t move until one of the nurses walked over and handed him the envelope from his parent’s personal effects.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

He held the envelope and nodded before he stood up and walked out.

Jack looked up as Tommy came out and he could see the change in his best friend. If there was a way to see a change, physically, Jack could. Tommy looked older, and yet he looked like a lost child.

“He’s dead,” Tommy said almost robotically. “I need to ID my mom.”

Jack shook his head.

“I’ll do it.”

Tommy looked at him and sighed.

“Maybe you could just go with me?”

Jack nodded and they walked down the hall to where his mom was. They walked into the room and identified the body. Jack stood back while Tommy took a minute and stood by his mom. They walked out and Jack led him to the chairs.

“I need to tell Julie,” Tommy said as the Chaplain came over.

Jack nodded and they politely declined any help. Jack helped Tommy up and they walked out of the hospital and into their new life.